Slander, Inc.

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It’s been a while, slander fans!

It behooves me to inform you that Slander, Inc. as you know it, is no longer… as you know it. Bernard, our semi-misanthropic relative, decided to leave us and live his dream. He is now happily employed as Lady Gaga’s milliner, and admits that it was him who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

Alex and I were appalled to say the least, but what kept us going was the tens of twenties of all you people who follow what we have to say — as well as what we just found out about the Optical Media Board.

We all knew that something fishy was going on, even as early as the 2010 elections.  The Ricketty old goat was allegedly/purportedly/supposedly selling gun ban exemptions, as over 140 people for 188 firearms (none of whom, we might add, are organic agents of the OMB) were strapped — care of his office. Of course some random attorney bore the brunt of it, and is probably a Notary Public on the dusty street corners of Basilan by now — but that’s another story for another time.

A careful (some might say, nosy) accounting of his tenure as OMB Chairman reveals — surprise surprise — ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! We’ve seen dozens of high profile raids since Ronnie took the helm, yet not a single case has been filed or any pirate arrested in over a year. Looks like the Revolving Door policy of the United States Correctional System has levelled-up at the OMB — instead of releasing a felon for every one admitted, just don’t bother charging anybody at all!

Sure as hell saves on paperwork.

Then again, I don’t know how well I’d sleep at night if I arrested Bloth of the Maelstrom and took his booty away.

Noy Jitat!

Funnily enough, the people that *are* caught red-handed by the Rondelles are small, rather slight creatures. Last year, a huge to-do was made about three Chinese nationals being arrested followed by a raid on a dubious warehouse. To date, nobody knows who these guys are, where they live, or why the boxes of contraband that were seized from them were released from OMB custody the very same day.

Could it be...?

Reports say that warehouses are raided in the mornings, and owners or representatives visit the OMB in the afternoon hauling paper bags. After their meetings, these people leave  — noticeably bag-less. Hats off to RR for keeping mob boss traditions alive!

We've heard -- he's got a VERY Little Caesar, too.

Moreover, we think he’s taking the whole Sheriff of Nottingham gig too far. In a raid on a random bodega, people reported that not only were their contraband items confiscated — but their mobile phones and food from the fridge too. Yes, because downloading food is illegal.

How dya like me NOW, bitch?

A letter of concern regarding the Rapscallion-y ways of the Ricketts Rabble was sent to Noynoy as early as January, yet nothing seems to have been done about it.

I don't need to read, I'm the PRESIDENT! Thug life.

So, using the teenage vernacular — OMG, OMB! Like, your butt is sooooo big. Fix that shit!


Written by slanderinc

October 14, 2011 at 7:18 am

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