Slander, Inc.

Don't strain yourself.

Manila, the Musical Defibrulator

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Alex writes:

We’re taking a small break just to explore a philosophical query of mine.

Perhaps it’s just me, but doesn’t anyone find it odd that musical acts who come to the Philippines are greeted with such aplomb that they don’t feel over the hill anymore?

Take for example the slew of bands that have come over in the last five years: The Cascades, The Zombies, Hanson, Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks, Linkin Park, that other Jewish American Idol contestant, Ne-yo… what do all of these musicians have in common?

At the heart of it all: they suck.

Get off the fucking stage!

Okay, I can hear the dissenters: wait, what about Nine Inch Nails, Incubus, Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, Marilyn Manson, or Michael Jackson? Millions of fans among the lot of them, with passable to good songwriting skills, and great pulling power. The Philippines is a perfect place for musicians because we appreciate talent and artistry — and we buy expensive tickets, party our faces off, and take too many pictures!

I have no witty retort to that — but we’re not talking about the good musicians who come over once in a blue moon; we’re talking about bands who come to the Philippines to die — and be reborn! Tsk. Pay attention, dissenters!

For a while there, RJ 100.3 fans were all in a tizzy as the popular teeny bopper bands of the fifties and sixties were coming over in droves to tell Michael how to row his boat ashore, alleluia, or how much everyone loves a clown. The baby boomers showed up en masse to concerts only to see a saggier, fatter, deafer version of the acts they grew up with. As can be expected, the boomers weren’t too pleased.

Don't make me come up there!

There was even a rumour about actual reincarnation: Apparantly, the Cascades allegedly died on their last flight out of Manila in 2006. Peoiple thought nothing of it, until the group came back the next year to regale tens of twenties of faithful Filipino fans. Woop.

So what does this tell us?

I humbly submit that the Philippines is a miraculous land for musicians; not only can every bloody Filipino sing the pants off a nightingale, but we’re so forgiving of talentless white folk that we’ll actually pay good money to see you risk having a heart attack on stage!

Yeah! Alriiiiight! Encore!

Unless you’re Hanson, Linkin Park, or Ne-Yo. The reason people watch you is because Crystal Meth makes everything shitty into an imaginarium. Do we still wonder why shabu is so popular? Methinks not.

This is what church looks like on meth.


Written by slanderinc

February 15, 2010 at 5:34 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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