Slander, Inc.

Don't strain yourself.

Don’t Touch Me, Crazy!

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Cindy writes:

Far be it from me to undermine women in the public eye, but daaaayum these ladies just give us all a bad name! The following females are the country’s biggest arguments for “barefoot and pregnant”.

10. Marlene Aguilar- Pollard

Mother to Road Rage Rampager Jason Ivler and another unfortunate soul who she calls “Saddam” or “Damien”, Marlene Aguilar is certifiably mental. She has been known to describe her former life in northern Luzon as particularly enjoyable because “we slaughtered hogs on special occasions”.

Marlene: Wanna show me your baton, big boy?

9. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

The Sandiganbayan’s resident psycho, Miriam has caused a bit of a stir by pontificating to her colleagues at a Senate hearing recently. I must admit however that her life is more fun than she lets on — imagine the rush you get when you have Europe’s “The Final Countdown” playing on loop in your head?

I guess there is no one to blame, we're leaving ground, will things ever be the same again? It's the Final Countdooooown!

8. Krista Ranillo

This chickee isn’t crazy, just plain stupid. Not only did she piss off Jinkee and first wives around the country, but she put it all on the line for a guy with a tattoo of a boxing glove on his chest that strongly resembles a cockroach.

Screw it. My money's on Aling Dionisia.

7. Gretchen Barretto

This girl is by far one of the most beautiful women in the Philippines — that alone should be reason to chain her to the bed and force her to procreate for the betterment of the race BUT she has the express privilege of being a Class A bitch too.

Gretch: Kiss me, you fool.

6. Annabelle Rama

‘la ako masabi, dong, na hindi mo na alam, dong.

Kanyang-kanyang raket lang yan!

5. Agnes Devanadera

Aside from having an unfortunate resemblence to a bullfrog in mating season, Solgen Devanadera has the mental acumen of pondscum. In her 20 page report to Congress on the Ampatuan massacre, she alleged that rebellion was being committed by the Ampatuans — conveniently forgetting that rebellion is pardonable by presidential decreed amnesty. Go back to the swamp, fiend!

Ribbit.

4. Korina Sanchez

Married to presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, Korina Sanchez has turned her marriage into a political media circus. Instead of going quietly into that good night, she has become a reminder of Senator Roxas’ insertions, thanks to Nene Pimentel.

Pictured here giving a talk on various locales of insertion.

3. Loren Legarda

The most pervasive thought I have about Loren is that her thighs must be huge from jumping from party to party. Let’s hope that fence stake wedged firmly between her cheeks doesn’t get dislodged any time soon, or we’re in for a shitstorm.

Loren posing as Tzu Hsi, Dragon Empress.

2. Gloria Macapagal – Arroyo

For the past nine years, President Arroyo has run the country with a very small, very tight fist. She’s like a rash that just won’t quit. Although intelligent, she’s not the brightest tool in the shed. After all she broke the eleventh commandment: don’t get caught.

PGMA on Estrada: Dispatch war rocket Ajax to bring back his body!

and the biggest embarrassment of Filipinas everywhere is…

1. Kris Aquino

Aside from having a monthly magazine dedicated solely to herself, a talkshow wherein she talks incessantly about herself, and endorsment deals that focus primarly on herself — Kris might not be such a bad egg, if she didn’t tweeze her eyebrows too much.

* * *

I wanted to include Jamby Madrigal in the list, but she’d have to be female first.

Ja-Ja-Ja-JamBOY!

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Written by slanderinc

January 29, 2010 at 4:28 am

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